2nd Trimester Disclaimer

Official letter has been signed and faxed back. More paperwork need to be completed before everything is said and done, I guess this is where all the needle prodding tests take place. Look out for moody preggy woman in the coming weeks. I am not responsible for the words and actions that takes place in the next 5 weeks. The hormones, I mean stress is most likely going to make me not myself. I will likely be a raging bitch or an emotional sap. If I start crying, I beg someone to slap me. If I start being an a-hole, please bitch slap me as well. Thanks in advance.

hindsight is 20/20

when i was young, this phrase plagued me. as i think back, i must have heard it from every teacher i ever had, all of my relatives, and the occasional old lady on the street. even as a child, i was the one that would wistfully, out loud, comment on their failures.

Me: i wish i would have saved my money instead of buying this (insert cheap toy that broke or new candy that seemed really cool but was, in fact, very lame)
Obnoxious Grown-Up: well, hindsight is 20/20

as i grow older, i notice this phrase coming out of my mouth more often than i hear it. my bgf has been seeking some, slight, advice from me lately, and generally, i reply "you should relax." well, today, she throws back to me, "you were exactly this way a month ago" or something like that. and, without thinking, i hear it.

hindsight

is

20/20.

at that moment, i realize what i said. i even made an out-loud note about it so i would remember. i am beginning to love that phrase. it is so matter-of-fact. to-the-point. it fits a variety of situations.

it is official: i am that obnoxious grown-up.

that random five year old salesgirl attempting to sell me a pedicure knew it. and i know it, too.

if you catch me uttering any phrase containing the words "pot," "kettle," and "black," please incite some sort of physical harm for the pavlovian effect. i beg of you.

Cold Feet

I'm suddenly getting cold feet about Australia. After reading some expatriate testimonies of their impressions of the locals and surroundings, the land down under did not sound like the happiest place on Earth, as I originally thought. On top of that, one co-worker keeps saying to me, "Don't go (to Australia)," like the ominous raven personified by Edgar Allen Poe. I find myself justifying my reasons to him and then realizing I didn't owe him an explanation so much as myself. I don't know why anyone would say that to someone leaving a job in search of new opportunities, especially to someone he/she didn't know well. It's like telling someone their baby isn't the cutest creature on earth when it's just mediocre, or God forbid downright fugly.

But seriously, am I making a huge mistake? While most people say, "Oh if I weren't tied down, blah blah blah, I'd take it in a heartbeat," but do they really mean it? I mean, have they truly given the whole thing as much serious stressful thought as moi? Do they know the consequences and implications down the road? It's like unprotected sex, seems like a good idea at first but in hindsight a horrible mistake.

Soothing Fall

I stepped outside of the house for the first time today and the sky was sunny. A breeze swept past me and brought the scent of fall to my olfactory. The atmosphere carried hints of scorched parchment. I was suddenly hyper aware of each breath I took into my lungs; the essence I was detecting was familiar and new at the same time. Autumn had taken over abruptly. It seemed as if the blazing red hot coils of the summer furnace had shorted out and caused the sparks to singe the surrounding air and dust. A mild blast of sharp icy cool air pierced the senses while sapping up every drop of moisture in the air. My mood was lifted by the changing of the season. I had been going through a transformation in my life as well. It made me feel better that the world was changing with me rather than before me.

Some Tidbits of Weekend

"One-Armed Stripper"

"Thousands of Beautiful Girls and Three Ugly Ones"

"Rolled some salami"

"I don't get Cox"

"Cox On-Demand, Broke Back Mountain"

My nearly full jar of almonds reduced to a few scant pieces at the bottom. Sitting below it was an almost brand new jar with freshness tamper free seal displaced along with an inch of of nuts. Probably the most considerate thing Bible Boy has done. I guess they covered the chapter on "What would Jesus do?"

Pushed Myself Down the Stairs

A good friend of mine and I made a pact not too long ago. We promised each other that if one of us ever got knocked up, the other would do their loyal duty of pushing the preggy one down a flight of stairs, no matter where they were. We derived this practice from the law of physics: what gets knocked up, must get knocked down. Many people find this method of abortion barbaric, but we just think it's good sense. It's way cheap, I mean why spend money on an unborn? There's certainly no abortion showers being thrown around the country, and I think that is a travesty. Hallmark can benefit from this new market, not to mention, the liquor industry as a whole.

So, the metaphoric pregnancy test stick has shown a positive on the new job. However, I may have fallen down the analogous stairwell, though by no fault of my good friend. I have this doom and gloom feeling that I have done poorly on the online tests they requested me to take. Come Monday morning, I will find myself knocked down instead of up.

Picking up Smoking

I've always been anti-smoking mostly because of the health hazards associated with the smoker and bystanders. However, some of my closest friends are regular smokers, and I try to be supportive; although that's probably not being a good friend. At any rate, I don't gag or give them a hard time about their habit when they light up. In fact, I like being the presence of their cigarette clouds. While I have a mental block about inhaling smoke through a rolled filtered cigarette, I have no problem breathing in second-hand smoke. I have to admit, I do feel soothed by it sometimes. There's just something about the elegant, yet mysterious, curls of smoke floating and evaporating into a haze of gray carrying hints of oaky bark that makes the smoker want to say, "Ahhhhh...."

Lately, I have been uber-stressed out about a new job prospect in Australia. I have received an informal offer and am working out the details. But due to my worry prone nature, I obsess over it like it's my job; which is a pretty accurate depiction of the amount of attention I give it while I'm at work. At any rate, I thought to myself, how do I break the monotony of my constant high-strung state? There must be a quick fix to calm me down. Then, I thought of smoking. I've heard many a smokers praise the euphoria of nicotine. However, I just cannot see myself sucking on a rolled up stick of dried tea leaves while it's ablaze. So I thought maybe I could go try one of those nicotine patches or the gum. I like chewing gum, this would be perfect. Eventually I may work up the courage to smoke an actual ciggy.