MIP vs MOP

As 2007 continues to barrel down the tunnel of time, two questions come to mind: Where the hell is my MIP? And where the fuck is The MOP? Well, I know the first one is lagging but surely to arrive sometime late this month to disappoint. However, there has been no specific time frame for the latter, that basically means 11:59:59AM on December 31st is still fair game. I have yet to receive any indication of The MOP's whereabouts. C'mon, throw me a friggin' bone here.

If and when The MOP arrives, I'd imagine our conversation to be like this:

Me: Where the fuck have you been?
MOP: What do you mean? I'm right on time.
Me: Dude, the cable guy has a better ETA than you.
MOP: Chill out, I'm here aren't I? I am all that you've been waiting for and a bag of hoho's.
Me: Gimme the hoho's. (Snatches the chocolate dessert from MOP's hands). You can go now.
MOP: (Looks stunned yet deliciously hot...then pouts like Zoolander, Magnum style)

When my MIP gets delivered by the unfortunate messenger, I'd imagine our conversation to be something like this:

Me: (Looking disinterested and knowing what's coming) So?
MIP: Here is your MIP, if you could read it over and sign and date at the bottom.
Me: (Scans the MIP document for anything to reject, finding nothing and everything) Like I have a choice. Totally screwed anyways.
MIP: That's not true, you can achieve most of it.
Me: Half the deadlines have passed.
MIP: Well, I think half of these are definitely reasonable, if not well within reach.
Me: Gimme the pen. (Signs with a flourish, throws pen and document back in MIP's face). You can go now.
MIP: (Looks flustered, sighs and hunches over, slouches away with scuffling footsteps)