Not Enough Estrogen

Lately I've been feeling very estrogen challenged. I was browsing through Target with the original intent of purchasing gifts for a baby shower. Of course, I immediately got sidetracked by sunglasses. I needed a new pair of all-purpose black shades that I could beat up. After trying on nearly every single pair in the display (my face is picky), I settled on a simple pair of plastic black framed ones. No rhinestones or sparkles or fancy chrome adorned this pair; it was classic. I proceeded to take twice as long picking out baby friendly gifts that did not require prior or extensive knowledge of baby goods. At the checkout line, the cashier scanned all my items. When the sunglasses got scanned, the display red "Mossimo-Men." Bewildered, I checked the glasses after I left the line. There on the tag was a label, "Mossimo Menswear."

In addition to the shame of shades, I had offered to help decorate for a baby shower. Suddenly I got roped into planning games. I dunno about you, but I hate baby shower games. In fact, I hate showers, period, unless they involve water. Shower games make showers absolutely intolerable. I could bear eating fake cucumber or watercress sandwiches with the crusts cut off and even sip tea with my pinky up, but pretending to have fun while sniffing mushed candy bars in a diaper is where I draw the line. My worst experience was probably being dressed up in a make believe wedding dress made with toilet paper. The only saving grace was winning a Starbucks card out of that game. I immediately went to the coffee conglomerate to redeem my fix with a shot of whiskey flavor.