Over casual conversation, the topic of performance enhancement substances and sports were discussed. We covered the unfair competitive advantage players gained while feigning innocence. As this discussion occurred at a sports bar, the TV monitors behind us were televising the Hooters' beauty pageant. A light bulb went on, shouldn't the same standards be applied to women's beauty pageants? Augmentations, nips, tucks, liposuction, rhinoplastys, collagen injections were easily accessible, not to mention, LEGAL. As long as you had the money, you could get any of the above procedures done to enhance your appearance.
It wouldn't be a stretch to say that plastic surgery is the steroid of the beauty contest world. Why isn't there any restrictions to level the playing field for contestants everywhere? Or, at the very least, separate pageants for those who choose to go under the knife and those who remain true to what God gave them. I know not all the Hooters girls are as "wholesome" as they claim. If not separate pageants, at least bonus points for being Foster Farms chicks.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Memorable Quotes
"Starbucks gives you brain waves!"
"If Renon shaved his head any more, I can write on it."
"It's freakin' off the bean."
"...so much testosterone, it makes your nuts explode." ([male]friend's description of the movie "300")
"When life gives you limes, rearrange the letters and smile." (The lid of a low fat sour cream tub.)
"Yomama is a Lama" (Unfortunately, we cannot take credit for this one. It is the title of a children's book.)
"...the lack of M.O.P.-ness is pushing me to the edge."
"Dude, the Bible is the first step to crazy."
"I'm busy as balls"
"...like it's his job." (used to add emphasis)
"(Be) As gay as you wanna be."
"I'm not gay, but my ass is."
" I don't golf, i just work on my guns."
"If Renon shaved his head any more, I can write on it."
"It's freakin' off the bean."
"...so much testosterone, it makes your nuts explode." ([male]friend's description of the movie "300")
"When life gives you limes, rearrange the letters and smile." (The lid of a low fat sour cream tub.)
"Yomama is a Lama" (Unfortunately, we cannot take credit for this one. It is the title of a children's book.)
"...the lack of M.O.P.-ness is pushing me to the edge."
"Dude, the Bible is the first step to crazy."
"I'm busy as balls"
"...like it's his job." (used to add emphasis)
"(Be) As gay as you wanna be."
"I'm not gay, but my ass is."
" I don't golf, i just work on my guns."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Investigative Endeavors--Man Nipples
Does size really matter? In our latest and greatest investigative idea we set out to solve the quandry of the much debated nipple to penis aspect ratio.
Assignment #4:
Investigate the correlation between male nipple size to penis size. Is one an indicator of the other?
Hypothesis 1:
Big Man Nipples = Big Penis
Hypothesis 2:
Big Penis = Big Man Nipples
Due to the sensitive and graphic nature of this exercise, our sample size may be limited and most likely biased.
Assignment #4:
Investigate the correlation between male nipple size to penis size. Is one an indicator of the other?
Hypothesis 1:
Big Man Nipples = Big Penis
Hypothesis 2:
Big Penis = Big Man Nipples
Due to the sensitive and graphic nature of this exercise, our sample size may be limited and most likely biased.
Re: Separation Anxiety
As the other separated dynamic duo of the Aling Pomii clan, I can empathize (oh my god, i've always wanted to use that word properly, did I use it right?). After reading the Separation Anxiety and uttering an "Awn..." while clutching the heartache that followed (oh wait, that was heartburn from the Brazilian BBQ feast) I had to respond whilst my partner in crime watches a show in another time zone; its name I dare not repeat.
One funny event that occurred and I was not able to convey on the spot:
A: Dude
B: WHat?
A: So, Napoleon tried to get on the plane with my early boarding group because he was paranoid about the lack of overhead space for his luggage.
B: Yeah?
A: Yeah, so when we got to the gate and they were scanning our tickets, he got denied. He tried to pretend we were a couple, and I couldn't help but say, " I'm sorry, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth."
After a full day of intense brainstorming, that was the goal of this business trip, I could not help but feel my brain has been beaten by bad weather. The potential tornado weather looming outside mirrored the whirlwinds in my mind. I have never spent so much time with my boss, who needs to learn the definition of personal space (seriously, do you need to brush up against my bare arm every five seconds?!) Not to mention, I have never been held to such a stringent work schedule in my whole entire life since grade school. It makes me wonder how productive I really am at work, but that is a topic not up for discussion.
We were in such a small prison cell of a conference room that I couldn't even secretly text funny events that transpires nor receive such messages. It was torture, I had to hold my disdain for my boss who is obviously invading my personal space. Chewing gum didn't help. This anxiety wasn't something one could subdue with a patch either; it called for something more drastic. We needed a stand-in for one another. Auditions for Blogy Idol begins next week, un-sexy individuals need not apply.
(Just a side note, Aling Pomii have these gestures that are invoked when certain words are said. While at dinner with co-workers on this business trip my boss kept using one of the words. I twitched each time that occurred. Alas, our many hours of practice has instilled a Pavlovian response. While some may think that's whack, we think it's Exxxcellent....)
One funny event that occurred and I was not able to convey on the spot:
A: Dude
B: WHat?
A: So, Napoleon tried to get on the plane with my early boarding group because he was paranoid about the lack of overhead space for his luggage.
B: Yeah?
A: Yeah, so when we got to the gate and they were scanning our tickets, he got denied. He tried to pretend we were a couple, and I couldn't help but say, "
After a full day of intense brainstorming, that was the goal of this business trip, I could not help but feel my brain has been beaten by bad weather. The potential tornado weather looming outside mirrored the whirlwinds in my mind. I have never spent so much time with my boss, who needs to learn the definition of personal space (seriously, do you need to brush up against my bare arm every five seconds?!) Not to mention, I have never been held to such a stringent work schedule in my whole entire life since grade school. It makes me wonder how productive I really am at work, but that is a topic not up for discussion.
We were in such a small prison cell of a conference room that I couldn't even secretly text funny events that transpires nor receive such messages. It was torture, I had to hold my disdain for my boss who is obviously invading my personal space. Chewing gum didn't help. This anxiety wasn't something one could subdue with a patch either; it called for something more drastic. We needed a stand-in for one another. Auditions for Blogy Idol begins next week, un-sexy individuals need not apply.
(Just a side note, Aling Pomii have these gestures that are invoked when certain words are said. While at dinner with co-workers on this business trip my boss kept using one of the words. I twitched each time that occurred. Alas, our many hours of practice has instilled a Pavlovian response. While some may think that's whack, we think it's Exxxcellent....)
Separation Anxiety
As one-half of the Aling Pomii combo, who has spent countless hours coordinating drinking galas, beach-excursions, evil testing plots, and home-improvement lists, I feel it is necessary to speak to the issues that occur when a duo is inoperable due to distance and time-zone constraints.
1. Lunch Partnerage – I found myself hungry today, somewhere around 1030. But, the other half of the duo is on a business trip. I needed to contact four (4) different people to find a lunch partner. Four! You can imagine the pain that caused me.
2. Funny Jokeage – It is completely impossible to relay the hilarity of a joke about another that suddenly just comes to you if two people are in different time zones. Take the following (condensed and paraphrased) conversation:
Person A: Hey guess what?
Person B: What?
Person A: This person we know is completely ridiculous. We just got out of work and you will not believe what happened.
Person B: What happened?
Person A: (insert funny and juicy information)
Person B: I love it! I would love to discuss this for an hour, but I have to go to a meeting.
Trust me, this was far more excruciating at the time it happened than it appears to be in print.
More to come as my separation anxiety deepens….
1. Lunch Partnerage – I found myself hungry today, somewhere around 1030. But, the other half of the duo is on a business trip. I needed to contact four (4) different people to find a lunch partner. Four! You can imagine the pain that caused me.
2. Funny Jokeage – It is completely impossible to relay the hilarity of a joke about another that suddenly just comes to you if two people are in different time zones. Take the following (condensed and paraphrased) conversation:
Person A: Hey guess what?
Person B: What?
Person A: This person we know is completely ridiculous. We just got out of work and you will not believe what happened.
Person B: What happened?
Person A: (insert funny and juicy information)
Person B: I love it! I would love to discuss this for an hour, but I have to go to a meeting.
Trust me, this was far more excruciating at the time it happened than it appears to be in print.
More to come as my separation anxiety deepens….
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Who Does That?!
Greetings! Web crawlers, this is the newest addition to our humble little blog. Have you ever been out and about doing your own thing, then suddenly, out of nowhere, your fellow homo sapien does something so unthinkable you realize how wrong Darwin was about natural selection. Sure, we've all heard of the Darwin Awards, but sometimes Nature doesn't filter all of them out. And as much as we here at Miscellaneous and Other would like to help out, the law simply prevents us (at least for now in this country).
The short compilation you are about to read are just things we have heard or witnessed in our daily lives, and we're just throwing it out there as tidbits for thought...kind of like those little flakes of fish food, or if you had betas, those little pellets, or...nevermind. Oh, and for the sanctity of privacy, we cannot reveal the identity of these perpetrators, so you'll have to take our word for it. To quote the ever so wise Phoebe Buffet, "Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason." Without trust we have nothing, plus we're sexy, and sexy people never lie. Never.
Exhibit 1:
Action-- Bringing white Zinfandel to a dinner party post undergraduate school.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 2:
Action-- Double-dipping in salsa, ranch dressing, or any shared condiment on a first date.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 3:
Action-- Ordering milk at Hooters.
Reaction--Who does that?!
Exhibit 4:
Action-- Earn six-digits but mooch beer off of those who earns five-digits, then proceed to pour a full pint and leave after one sip.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 4a:
Action-- Following departure of six-digits earner in Exhibit 4, a five-digits earner pours the unfinished pint back into the pitcher and proceeds to top himself off.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 5:
Action-- White boy walks into a bar and throws his arms in the air pretending to be a gansta and shouts "Whaddup my N*gga!" to his black friend. Music halts to a record player stop and all eyes are on him.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 6:
Action-- A male co-worker calls a female co-worker, who lives near the office (but that's not the point), after work hours and invites self over.
Reaction-- Who deos that?!
Exhibit 7:
Action-- A table of four orders four sliders. One of the members is "on break" from his Jenny Craig/Nutrisystem/Slimfast diet, eats like it's his job. This member proceeds to eat the last slider without offering the only female fellow diner at the table, who has not yet had a slider.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 8:
Action-- Too lazy to pick up mail from mailbox for such a long duration that the post office had to start holding mail at its facility.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
The short compilation you are about to read are just things we have heard or witnessed in our daily lives, and we're just throwing it out there as tidbits for thought...kind of like those little flakes of fish food, or if you had betas, those little pellets, or...nevermind. Oh, and for the sanctity of privacy, we cannot reveal the identity of these perpetrators, so you'll have to take our word for it. To quote the ever so wise Phoebe Buffet, "Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason." Without trust we have nothing, plus we're sexy, and sexy people never lie. Never.
Exhibit 1:
Action-- Bringing white Zinfandel to a dinner party post undergraduate school.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 2:
Action-- Double-dipping in salsa, ranch dressing, or any shared condiment on a first date.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 3:
Action-- Ordering milk at Hooters.
Reaction--Who does that?!
Exhibit 4:
Action-- Earn six-digits but mooch beer off of those who earns five-digits, then proceed to pour a full pint and leave after one sip.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 4a:
Action-- Following departure of six-digits earner in Exhibit 4, a five-digits earner pours the unfinished pint back into the pitcher and proceeds to top himself off.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 5:
Action-- White boy walks into a bar and throws his arms in the air pretending to be a gansta and shouts "Whaddup my N*gga!" to his black friend. Music halts to a record player stop and all eyes are on him.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 6:
Action-- A male co-worker calls a female co-worker, who lives near the office (but that's not the point), after work hours and invites self over.
Reaction-- Who deos that?!
Exhibit 7:
Action-- A table of four orders four sliders. One of the members is "on break" from his Jenny Craig/Nutrisystem/Slimfast diet, eats like it's his job. This member proceeds to eat the last slider without offering the only female fellow diner at the table, who has not yet had a slider.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Exhibit 8:
Action-- Too lazy to pick up mail from mailbox for such a long duration that the post office had to start holding mail at its facility.
Reaction-- Who does that?!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Ode on a Wine Bucket
All work and no play makes a dull blogger. So we took ourselves out to a fine dining experience. It was a much anticipated dinner, 4 courses and 8 wines. What more can a girl ask for? We started out with with some Welch's white grape juice, I mean, white wine. As one would expect, there were wine notes accompanying each wine. We thought it would be fun to decipher or rather provide our own interpretations of these poetic homages to wine.
"1994 Torre Oria Grand Reserve Tempranillo--
Nose of ripe cherry with background aromas of herbaceous tobacco, olive, hardwoods plus a touch of eucalyptus. Chewy palate full of jammy plum and berry flavors with a long, complex, elegant finish. At its peak and ready to drink now!"
Most of the description was pretty standard, much ado about nothing, but the final line caught our eyes. To the untrained reader, they may be misled to think, "Great, I don't have to wait to drink this wine." Little do they know, "At its peak and ready to drink now!" translates to "We got too much of this wine, it's not as good as we thought, and we're trying to get rid of it."
After perusing more of these eloquent wine notes, we wondered about wine mixology. Cocktails often have more than 1 liquor, why not mix wines? Afterall, a wine described as "...rich, ripe blackberry and white cake" would do well to be mixed with "rich, cocoa tannins." Voila! The new Chocolate Cake, grape style.
The night ended with a sumptuous dessert, of decadent sherry drizzled on vanilla ice cream, the good kind, too. We also got a great tip on an adult milkshake with this wonderful sherry. We plan on making another evening out of grape derived alcohol. This time with sherry spiked milkshakes we decided to name Mrs. Robinson.
"1994 Torre Oria Grand Reserve Tempranillo--
Nose of ripe cherry with background aromas of herbaceous tobacco, olive, hardwoods plus a touch of eucalyptus. Chewy palate full of jammy plum and berry flavors with a long, complex, elegant finish. At its peak and ready to drink now!"
Most of the description was pretty standard, much ado about nothing, but the final line caught our eyes. To the untrained reader, they may be misled to think, "Great, I don't have to wait to drink this wine." Little do they know, "At its peak and ready to drink now!" translates to "We got too much of this wine, it's not as good as we thought, and we're trying to get rid of it."
After perusing more of these eloquent wine notes, we wondered about wine mixology. Cocktails often have more than 1 liquor, why not mix wines? Afterall, a wine described as "...rich, ripe blackberry and white cake" would do well to be mixed with "rich, cocoa tannins." Voila! The new Chocolate Cake, grape style.
The night ended with a sumptuous dessert, of decadent sherry drizzled on vanilla ice cream, the good kind, too. We also got a great tip on an adult milkshake with this wonderful sherry. We plan on making another evening out of grape derived alcohol. This time with sherry spiked milkshakes we decided to name Mrs. Robinson.
Updates on Male PMS Study
In case you're wondering what we've been up to lately, here's a little update. Male PMS study is well under way. We expect to collect at least 3 months of data with 3 subjects and one control. Also to control for female hormonal bias we plan to employ 2 observers whose cycles are not in sync. We've also been busy as balls working our day jobs, saving the world...What, do you actually think we are anything short of superheroes for being able to juggle a full time job, drink every chance we get, and come up with inane mindless random rants interjected with felicitous wit? I didn't think so. Oh, and did I mention we're good looking, too?
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Potential Bar Names or First Born Names (2)
Lucy Slots.
Easy #2.
Sandy Cheese
Sandy Cuuc
Sammy Sams
(I know it is just a single entry, but I had to get it down before I forgot...)
Easy #2.
Sandy Cheese
Sandy Cuuc
Sammy Sams
(I know it is just a single entry, but I had to get it down before I forgot...)
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Investigative Endeavors -- Male PMS
Some of you may have heard of this oxymoronic phenomenon-non...non. Most people may think it is an urban myth, as improbable as an unicorn. And I bet most of the guys out there are thinking, "Ha! That's impossible, I don't even have an uterus," (in their deepest masculine thinking voice). In the age of equality, mood swings do not discriminate. I should know, I am both a sufferer and victim.
Assignment #3:
A. Identify individuals unknowingly afflicted by the condition through visual observation.
B. Prove the existence of male PMS by tracking the daily disposition of identified subjects.
C. Test female PMS remedies on subjects with symptoms of male PMS.
Hypothesis:
A. There are at least 2 male PMS sufferers within 200 sq. ft. of office space.
Male PMS, more common than male pattern balding?
B. Cycles are on a monthly basis much like female PMS
C. Will birth control pills and other age old female PMS remedies work for male PMS?
I am confident that, by the conclusion of this Investigative Endeavor, those of you with a Y-chromosome might want to phone home and check your medical birth records.
And yes, we are a bit back logged on our I.E.s. There are more questions asked than answered. Hey chill out, if you're waiting on the web for new postings of this blog, you're probably unemployed or work for yourself/from home, whatever, same thing. The writers of this blog actually have a day job, and it's that time of the month... for reporting...what did you think it was?
Assignment #3:
A. Identify individuals unknowingly afflicted by the condition through visual observation.
B. Prove the existence of male PMS by tracking the daily disposition of identified subjects.
C. Test female PMS remedies on subjects with symptoms of male PMS.
Hypothesis:
A. There are at least 2 male PMS sufferers within 200 sq. ft. of office space.
Male PMS, more common than male pattern balding?
B. Cycles are on a monthly basis much like female PMS
C. Will birth control pills and other age old female PMS remedies work for male PMS?
I am confident that, by the conclusion of this Investigative Endeavor, those of you with a Y-chromosome might want to phone home and check your medical birth records.
And yes, we are a bit back logged on our I.E.s. There are more questions asked than answered. Hey chill out, if you're waiting on the web for new postings of this blog, you're probably unemployed or work for yourself/from home, whatever, same thing. The writers of this blog actually have a day job, and it's that time of the month... for reporting...what did you think it was?
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Pick Up Lines that Makes you Wanna...
While chatting over curry, a line was uttered that started with potential and ended with disappointment, much like my many dates.
"Don't you wanna be in (insert name)'s bed...surrounded by all his action figures?"
"Don't you wanna be in (insert name)
Investigative Endeavors -- Scalp Wax
Ever look at a bald guy (and I mean really bald, not balding), regardless whether it's shaved or shed, and wonder why it looks so shiny? I mean, shiny in a good way, akin to a polished bowling ball where you can see your reflection in.
Assignment #2:
Investigate the existence of scalp products and how lucrative the market is
Hypothesis 1:
Natural oils
Hypothesis 2:
Scalp products (i.e. wax, pomade, oil, glitter?)
Assignment #2:
Investigate the existence of scalp products and how lucrative the market is
Hypothesis 1:
Natural oils
Hypothesis 2:
Scalp products (i.e. wax, pomade, oil, glitter?)
Monday, April 2, 2007
Investigative Endeavors -- Beads
This is a series of investigations we hope to engage in for our own enrichment as well as anyone who has ever had the same stupid question but was too ashamed or lazy to ask. We will also field questions from readers, however, we do reserve the right to chose which questions are poignantly ridiculous enough to be worth our brainpower.
Assignment #1:
Validate the profitability of bead stores
Hypothesis 1:
Front for drugs? babies?
Findings to follow...
Assignment #1:
Validate the profitability of bead stores
Hypothesis 1:
Front for drugs? babies?
Findings to follow...
Potential Bar Names or First Born Names
After seeing Blades of Glory, we were inspired by Chaze Michael Michaels' name to come up with a few of our own for bar Tom foolery or potential first born child. This list is a work in progress, updated whenever our muse (alcohol) decides to shower us with a new masterpiece.
Nature of list: Chonological, in no particular order of preference
(April 1, 2007)
Hans Christian Anderson Cooper
Hong Chintan Ashish Shaw (ethnic version)
Chocolate Moussolini
Povimii Crimini
Scotch McAllister
Mimi Martini
What not to use:
Data Bugger
Nature of list: Chonological, in no particular order of preference
(April 1, 2007)
Hans Christian Anderson Cooper
Hong Chintan Ashish Shaw (ethnic version)
Chocolate Moussolini
Povimii Crimini
Scotch McAllister
Mimi Martini
What not to use:
Data Bugger
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