It's a Boy!/Girl!

Having never experienced the excitement of a positive pregnancy test, this job offer from Australia is one of the few moments of pure joy I have yet experienced in my female adult life. YESSSS! I GOT THE JOB! I wanted to shout it from the rooftop of my building, but I'm pretty sure security would shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and cause me to fall off the side of the edifice. I think someone should throw me a Job Shower, and I can register for things like coffee mugs, packing materials, business card holders, international phone cards, tissue and vodka (in case this is a horrible mistake) etc., etc.... But I will settle for a happy hour.

I can't believe it. At the beginning of the application process I thought to myself, "If I pull this off, it will be like a dream I never had come true." And here I am, blogging away at midnight, surprisingly unsoiled. The reality of all of it is settling in, the positive and negative, but mostly the negative because I'm a pessimist and worrier. I am 80% sure I want to take it. I think it's not 90% because I have never been there, so the extra uncertainty accounts for 10%. Now I just have to convince my parents this is a good idea. I plan to guilt them, citing them as my inspiration. In a way, it is true. They moved here to this country with my brother and I in tow, yet they barely knew the language or the lay of the land. I am only modeling myself after them, but in a cowardly selfish way.

I've already began making lists of things to take care of, and I love making lists:
1) Rent Notice
2) Cancel Celly
3) Transfer Utilities to Roomies
4) Let Roommies know I'm moving
5) Purge Purge Purge
6) More Research (i.e. tax impact, electric currents)
7) Find a home for my freakishly tall and lucky bamboo (not my parents...well maybe....)
8) Purge Purge Purge
9) Book the rest of my physical therapy
10) Use up my FSA ASAP
11) Figure out the timeline

I will cut myself off there.

I always knew the time would come when I have to leave my little paradise by the water. What I didn't know is how I would feel. Regret, guilt, relief, anticipation...I can't wait to be there at the same time I want to say "wait...."

Feng Shui

I am not a big believer nor fan of Feng Shui. My Asian license will probably be revoked if the Asian cultural authorities got wind of this entry. To me, Feng Shui is just the ancient form of interior decorating, the same way that Greek mythology is the early stage of modern religion. Both, interior decorating and religion, do not really do that much, mainly because both can be so subjective. They are great when people need it, but neither is truly necessary in order to ensure the continuum of the universe is not disrupted.

With that said, I just moved two pieces of furniture in my room this morning, and IKEA! (That's "Eureka!" in furniture talk). I just found my new favorite spot in my room. I can't believe it took me this long to conceptualize the usage of this corner space by the window. Although, I had always thought the big faux leather Lazy Boy would be a great reading/laptop chair in that spot, my mind dismissed it because of spatial limitations. But this morning, I decided to experiment. I moved my little gray computer chair from that corner to the desk and swapped in the recliner. Et voila! I sat down and looked out at the sky and the big pine tree outside my window, along with all the cars swooshing by; it was my new little piece of ghetto heaven. I was happy as a cat reading via natural light with my cup of coffee on the window sill next to me.

I still think people who Feng Shui the crap out of their place are a little looney, especially if it is their profession, but people who pay money for this are idiots. I think that will be my new get rich quick business venture. Heck, I'm Asian, I can pull it off. Finally, I can capitalize on my heritage in a more meaningful way besides ESL. Now...I need to figure out what to do with that lamp.

First Trimester

While I am far, far, far...far from being barefoot and pregnant, I cannot help but notice the parallel between when to announce a job lead one is pursuing and successful fertilization. Some see it as jinxing the event, but I think it is quite possible the mere act of heralding the occassion may scare the prospect or zygote into retreat. So with the all-so-important international job potential, I waited until after I cleared the first interview to tell the less important people, like my parents. Let's just face it, they are excitement prone. I am still waiting for the second interview appointment to arrive, it feels much like the time between when you pee on the stick and wait for the colors to turn. I guess I'm not out of the woods yet. Maybe I should've waited until I was showing.

Preparation Anxiety

I am "cramming" for an interview less than 24-hours away. I have been out of the game with the job hunt process that I feel anxious and unsure of where I stand in terms of qualified candidates. It's like jumping into the dating game after emerging from a long term relationship. I don't know where to start, and I'm everywhere and getting nowhere. I know it's just one interview, and I shouldn't view it as a make or break deal. But, I can't help it because I like to worry; it's in my genetics thanks to my dear old mom. Speaking of the parental units, I also have not consulted them on my decision to interview for this particular position. I have been hinting for months that I wanted a change of scenery in the job front. Up until this month I did not have any leads, nor attempted to search.

I've always discussed major decisions with my parents, sought their wisdom to guide me in my young grasshopper ways. I think that also attributed to my indecisiveness (note to self, do not mention as weakness at interview). This time, I have been going it alone with the support of friends and coworkers, though a very select group. I don't want to jinx my chances. I don't want too many people to know lest I fail; the fall would hurt more because I didn't just let myself down. However, keeping the secret from my parents only adds more stress. It's like the time in college when I decided to rush for a sorority and told my parents afterwards as an FYI. I remember my mom being livid, but after talking to my second cousin she was much more supportive. I have a feeling they may rain on this parade before it forms, I don't think they will approve similar to the way they disapproved of my prom date. But, thinking back to prom, I ended up going to it and had a pretty good time, regardless. So if history is indicative of anything, I just might survive, but I am horribly anticipating the interview already. I guess I should disspell all this nervous energy by cleaning my room and simultaneously preparing for the appointment.

It's Chilly Outside

Labor Day signals the end to summer white wardrobe and warm weather alike. The West Coast is usually an exception to that cardinal rule. However, this September evening, I sense a slight chill in the air.

Labor Day weekend was a scorcher; perhaps it was nature's way of ending summer with a bang. I felt guilty for taking summer so for granted, but I also cannot wait to start snuggling under soft blankets--as much as one can in sunny San Diego. For the first time in months, I was able to shut the window to shield out the sounds of Highway 101 without suffocating from heat.

The serene silence, with traces of motorists sailing by my window, is a welcome reprieve from all the chaos the past month has brought. Almost as a precursor to leaves turning colors, change is swirling all around me; I am in the eye of a hurricane, calm but witness to all of its frenzy. I am harking for signs on how to begin the next chapter in my life. I fear if I remain at a standstill, as I am often prone to do, I will look back with regret. Yet, the glacier of uncertainty that encases the future freezes my mind.

One great challenge has been presented before me. I am waiting to hear from another. Am I ready for them? While I don't see myself as a competitive person, I do enjoy winning. Can I handle learning to tread water all over again?

I saw a sign that said "2B", and I thought of Shakespeare's famous quote "To be, or not to be." I think I am ready to be, it is just a matter of which, what, where, whom, and how.

Not Enough Estrogen

Lately I've been feeling very estrogen challenged. I was browsing through Target with the original intent of purchasing gifts for a baby shower. Of course, I immediately got sidetracked by sunglasses. I needed a new pair of all-purpose black shades that I could beat up. After trying on nearly every single pair in the display (my face is picky), I settled on a simple pair of plastic black framed ones. No rhinestones or sparkles or fancy chrome adorned this pair; it was classic. I proceeded to take twice as long picking out baby friendly gifts that did not require prior or extensive knowledge of baby goods. At the checkout line, the cashier scanned all my items. When the sunglasses got scanned, the display red "Mossimo-Men." Bewildered, I checked the glasses after I left the line. There on the tag was a label, "Mossimo Menswear."

In addition to the shame of shades, I had offered to help decorate for a baby shower. Suddenly I got roped into planning games. I dunno about you, but I hate baby shower games. In fact, I hate showers, period, unless they involve water. Shower games make showers absolutely intolerable. I could bear eating fake cucumber or watercress sandwiches with the crusts cut off and even sip tea with my pinky up, but pretending to have fun while sniffing mushed candy bars in a diaper is where I draw the line. My worst experience was probably being dressed up in a make believe wedding dress made with toilet paper. The only saving grace was winning a Starbucks card out of that game. I immediately went to the coffee conglomerate to redeem my fix with a shot of whiskey flavor.

First Day Back

After a long eventful week, this post-Labor Day work week started with a solemn ceremony of removing favorite work buddy from the instant messaging list. It felt weird deleting her name, an act of irreversible erasure--Kevorkian style. Part of me wanted to leave it, but I knew it was silly. She will never be on that list again. The whole thing had a morbid finale to it.

No More Wiener (Dog)

This is a tale about the death of a wiener, a wiener dog. A five year-old thought it would be fun to ride his pet wiener dog like a little horsey. When he mounted the poor little dog, he broke its back. Never more was the little wiener.

This story reminded me of an incident from my childhood. My little brother had barely turned one. Our mother had left us in the bedroom to make some lunch in the kitchen. She had instructed me to look after him. I got bored and decided to ride my brother like a little horsey. At the time, I was about three and a half years old packing about a deuce and a half. Luckily, my mother's maternal instinct had kicked in. She somehow knew I was up to no good-- as I often was. That little wiener is still around.

A-iisms

My tummy is achy
No more breakie
Byyyyye, Mr. Bear
No more Mr. Dog

Time for sleepy
No more dreamie
Sigghhh, replaces snort
No more snarky